The baby and I are at the grocery store, contemplating soup selections when I hear something wet hit the floor. I look down to see small, clear puddles at my feet and feel a warm trickle tracing its way down my leg.
In a sign that I watch too much tv, my immediate first thought was, “OMG, my water just broke and I didn’t know I was pregnant!” I am not even kidding you, I nearly panicked right then in there in the middle if the ethnic foods aisle.
My next thought, several seconds later, after logic and reasoning had regained control, was the equally panic-inducing fear that maybe I had lost control of my bladder and wet myself. “But I didn’t even have to pee,” I thought. “How did this even happen?!”
Proof positive of my novice motherhood status/lack of sleep/dimwittedness, the absolute very last thought to enter my mind, even after considering residual rain droplets and checking the soup can I was holding for puddles, was that the child I had strapped to my chest had just experienced a major diaper fail and had relieved himself all over me. That’s right, folks, he peed on me. And now that pee was on the floor and I was without a diaper bag or any clean up options whatsoever (we were only running in for a few items so who needs a diaper bag?) What do you do?
Well, I’ll tell you what I did. I put the soup can back on the shelf, ran my foot over the puddles in an attempt to clear the mess and promptly moved on. Yeah, that’s right, I left it. And I didn’t alert anyone to the mess, either. I was mortified and, honestly, thought the better option would be to just pay and leave before anything else came leaking from the baby’s hindside.
What would you have done? Improvise a cleaning device? Tell a store employee? Never have left the diaper bag at home in the first place? Do tell.